change and uncertainty

Nothing is more certain than the uncertainty of life. And just as the blooms on the trees dare to reach out and expose themselves with the encouragement of the spring’s light, I am also experiencing some ch-ch-change! I’m moving onto a position at a different agency, but doing similar work to what I do now. In the past getting a new job was 95% excitement and 5% anxiety. Since becoming a mama, I’d say it is now 90% anxiety and worry, with a sprinkle of 5% anticipation and 5% excitement. There is so much more to consider and how this move will impact my family and work/life balance.

One of the biggest considerations in this big move was that financially it was no longer possible to continue to support our family. And due to the size of me and my husband’s student loans {thank you, grad school}, being a single income family is not a option. And as much as love working for a grass-roots, mission-driven organization, I am also not a martyr and believe that I’m not able to provide quality work if I’m in a constant state of financial insecurity. And I will also mention that we have been in a privileged position , because we have family that helps with some childcare, and that has allowed me to maintain my current position for as long as I have.
So in many ways, this shift has been a “no brain-er”. It seems like the obvious choice and the perfect opportunity….I get to do the work I love serving a similar population, be paid a living wage, and I trade my Monday’s off with long days for getting off every evening by 5pm. However, I currently have the ability to have flexibility with my schedule and the work load allows me to truly leave my work at work and really be a mom 100% when I’m home. The unknown aspects of my new job are enough to keep me up worrying at night. I could easily let these emotions consume me. But maybe this is exactly what I need…to be “thrown out of the nest.” These are the times I am most grateful for my yoga practice, because I could easily get lost in the mess of my anxious mind. And, I do. But I also am practicing breathing deeply. Instead of recoiling or freezing with fear of the unknown, I choose to soften into the loss I feel and let it open me up a little. And slowly the resistance melts away and I see there are never any right choices, we’re always just making our best guesses. I’m also present to the temporary nature of it all and that this next opportunity will have its seasons as well. Also, there is gratitude…there is always gratitude for it all.

 

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About margotyoga

lover of traveling, yoga, reading, loving, motherhood, social justice, meditation, peace, big trees, the ocean, family, dancing, learning, running, playing, laughing and people.
This entry was posted in aparigraha, awareness, meditation, mental health, motherhood, parenting, Women, yoga and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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